i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
