o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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