i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
