When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
