'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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