so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
