Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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