someone threw a dead crab at me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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