I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
