He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
