The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
where does the pee come out of this thing
I understand Curling. That high.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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