i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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