He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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