Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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