too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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