new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
