so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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