The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
