As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
