i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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