I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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