Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
