i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
