No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
