I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
