Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
