Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
