tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
