Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
