Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
