You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
