remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
