this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
