It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
