I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
