Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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