I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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