I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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