Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He better not be in your backpack
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
