Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
