watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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