Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
