Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
