Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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