since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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