He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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