Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
