So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
