you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
