im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
