I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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