I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
