i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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