I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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